about mee (two e's, see what i did there)

will_die_alone_with_72_cats-6567 copy.jpg

yep, that about sums it up ;)

tuesday, february 19 @ 1830hrs (totally just said 1830hrs in my head like a cool ship-captain-navy-type person.. gosh i'm weird.)

ok, so……. journal entry. right. not really sure what to put down, so let's take a stab at some things i can hopefully reflect on later.

first workshop today. terrified going in. not so terrified coming out. = yay
i actually loved the class being a workshop. after 4 years of learning behind a desk, i've discovered why i was sometimes *insert massive groan here* about classes. the interaction and the movement and the practical side of things really aided my learning today, so i'm quite excited about that, and Serge is a top lecturer. (do i get brownie points for that ?) his passion inspires me to get passionate, and that's just swell.

the exercise that i got the most out of today (only one or ill be writing forever) was with the person a and the person b.. i shall call this "the blind leading the….. okay no scratch that cause the blind wasn't leading, the non blind was leading... maybe "leading the blind" is what i was thinking there. yes lets go with that. so in "leading the blind" when Emily was leading me round dws hq* (without words, but with touch, while i was blind) i found myself to be really nervous/scared/on edge/just unsure of what was going to happen and not really liking it. but when i opened my eyes at the end and she hadn't killed me or led me into the lion's den about to be eaten i felt great again (fyi; wouldn't want to be blind). this showed me how much i relied on Emily to do her part; to guide me safely from point a to point b, because i was unable to do it myself, and i think (thinking futuristically here..) this will aid me a great deal when i work with teams later in the drama field (productions, group assignments, etc) to trust the team to do their part so i can focus on doing mine to the best of my ability.
and on that team note, LOVE that we constantly change partners. it forces me to interact with everyone in class instead of finding just a few people that i'm all all buddy-buddy with, in turn teaching me more things, so i'm looking forward to knowing more faces next week.

i was hoping this to be a short entry….. but what the heck i've always been a talker.
peace. with one e. x

*drama workshop headquarters

tuesday, february 26 @ 1930hrs

today's class was very daunting for me..

because this drama direction is very new and sudden for me i'm in limbo as to where i stand with it; i like it and enjoy it but i'm not sure where i fit just yet so this shakes my confidence. usually i'm pretty good, "fake it til you make it" kinda style, but my responses of timidity to the vocal warmup exercise/s today really shocked my system.. something to ponder and work on.

the second and final thing that increased this daunting was how difficult acting is going to be for me; which i learned from our naming objects exercise. i pride myself in being an honest person; i'm NOT an advocate for lying and i believe in being 'real' (that word again) and true above all else (eg; believe what you believe and do what you do, not what others could persuade you to do). calling a white lacey parasol a trophy and apologising to a star wars clone key ring challenged this core principle of mine.. again, something to ponder and work on.

it's good for me to be challenged so much in only the second week. should be interesting to see how this progresses over the coming weeks. as Eleanor Roosevelt said; "Do one thing every day that scares you".. and right now i'm pretty $#@&ing terrified.

fingers crossed that the next time i encounter this entry i will be laughing my head off, amused and amazed by how easy i will find it then. something to very much look forward to :)

peace x

I think the work for you will get easier once we get the opportunity to put training into practice...just never forget to enjoy it!!

^ ill hold you to that ! ;)

tuesday, march 5 @ 2125hrs

im quite excited to journal today as i felt much better about this week's class/es ! i actually really enjoy this unit and desire so intensely to be good/do good at it (like all things i attempt in life) and today in workshop i really believe i came out of my shell a bit more, was less nervous, and just relaxed in the beautiful stupidity of acting.

im completely fascinated by the whole realm of drama. keep in mind im new to studying it, ive never really payed attention to this world so im quite intimidated by everyone else and terribly anxious of what im doing and if its good enough.. vivid in my mind has just been my 21 years of watching and being personally impacted by performance, nothing much more. but studying it.. wow. like i said on the first day i never thought this would be a path i would travel, but i really love it. (so who cares if im good or not !?) i love learning about stan the man. i love seeing brecht's crazy cabaret's. i love walking fast then slow then fast then slow then STOP ! then fast then slow then march in a small space with 20 other people who i'm attentive to but not talking to and not bumping into them (who thought ?!).. its brilliantly ridiculous and i never thought i would have so much joy to be a part of it.

out of all the activities we did today, 'kiss my hand' was my stand out. i was completely blown away by the impact that the three teams performances had on me (including my own), even though we had three completely different perspectives on the one piece. the two interpretations that i witnessed were so powerful; it was a strong dynamic to merely reading it last week. even though i felt i let the team down by laughing on stage (a newbie actor trait that im sure will pass with both rehearsal and time), i learnt one extraordinary thing from this today; that there's no right or wrong way to act, there's only good and bad acting. i think this lesson alone will encourage me to endeavour to do my best and let my confidence shine in future weeks.

peeeaceeeeeee. with lots of e's. x

tuesday, march 12 @ 1645hrs

sooo this week, theatre of cruelty.. well, all i've got to say is: artaud you are one perverse, disturbed, twisted individual. and that comes out in your theatre so.. well done !! Not convinced of your reading of Artaud's work...but I think I understand what you wee getting at...

the workshop today was fantabulous ! at first i entered, thinking i was running late.. found out i wasn't and calmed down a bit. found a bit of hope in having a dialogue 95% sorted in the first 15 minutes of class (suhweeeet), and now very keen to work on that. then it was active workshop time. Serge said we would be starting with a warm up and, thinking of how nerve-wracking it was for me last time, i just went
(in my head of course..)
but then we got to end of that and i felt i did WAAAAAYYYYYY better than the first time so that was a good move Serge *hi 5*

THEN we did this sick (sick as in awesome) exercise for the rest of class and i just loved it so much ! it was an improv lover-type scenario where one person cheated and could only respond with 'no', and their accusing partner had to get it out of them by only saying 'yes'. when Serge first explained it to us i thought "AWESOME !" (out aloud this time..) because you can do SO much with that situation as an actor; i'm NOT a fan of cheating/affairs/whatnot haha but always thought it would be fun to play a character in a scene/story where that happens. everyone's performances affected me in some way or another and i just thought it was a great example of how you can say so much by saying so little.. like, it's not your line, but how you say your line that will impact the audience; and how your body language compliments your stage presence; and how you speak to the audience when you don't even have a line to say. profound stuff.

on my personal performance as a 'yes', i honestly don't really know what i did or how i did it haha, and i definitely don't know how it came across to those watching, but i always shied away from improv in high school so for my first one i think i went okay. it was interesting being the yes because i had to invent how the story would take off knowing anything could happen from that point on. i knew from watching other people's performances that a large percentage of Anthony's response would be based on who my character was and how i said the first yes, so that was something i was both in control of and out of control of; i could control and take charge of that 'yes', of how i planned to get his confession out, but everything after that first yes was left up to the moment. i'd watched so many other people go before me, and i liked things that they did and then i thought of things they could of done differently (not in a bad way, just "oh i wonder where it would've gone if they did that..") so i had a lot of ideas fresh in my head of how this conversation could play out. but i knew to make the improv work i had to discard thought when i was doing it and just react and roll with it. after today, i don't mind improv so much and feel a little bit more confident about theatre acting ! but, if i had to do today's improv again.. i would definitely slap Anthony for cheating on me. the jerk. ;)

peace :) x

tuesday march 26 @ 2045hrs

oh goodness, where do i start with today..

okay so first up we had an exercise very similar to last week. i enjoyed last week so that was fine. HOWEVER.. i felt so awkward doing it this week. it was two people both in conversation; the person who could say anything opened the door to the other who could only say ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘sorry’ and ‘thankyou’. a great idea, however i think for me it would have gone much better if i was given a context like last weeks (you’ve cheated on such and such, they know it and are gonna try get it out of you) or at least had a scenario in mind to do. as it planned out, i had no idea what i was doing or where the convo was going (so evident) but hats off to Daley for rolling along with it as well as he did !

the rest of class was awesome. i will expand. we did a lot of physical stuff today.. the greetings and KISSING WORKSHOP DUH DUHMMMM. because we’ve done so much space-type non-contact stuff i thought it was such a great change to the group dynamic, especially seeing as we’ve been on break. it was time to be forced out of our comfort zones and get up close and personal ;)

i felt incredibly awkward again when we started the kiss between Procne and Tereus (The Love of the Nightingale) because i misunderstood Serge and thought Charlotte (as Tereus) was supposed to come to me the first time around ! oops.. but she was incredible. the second time around when Tereus (Aaron) had to come to me when i turned around was a better version i think (even though i had it both times really ;p) - it displayed that Tereus had stuffed up and had to work to get Procne's affection back. it was so intense watching everyone do it after Aaron and i had finished, there were such powerful scenes happening around us, it was electrifying. the talent was just mind-blowing and it was sensational how everybody interpreted the exercise differently. i sensed a lot how difficult it was for the men to walk to the women; even though Tereus was in the wrong, in everybody i saw walking he seemed emasculated and uncertain of what was awaiting him when he arrived face to face with his wife. extraordinary.
It was an extraordinary workshop to watch...

dialogues for dessert. i’m actually terribly excited and couldn’t have a better group to work with !

over and out x

tuesday april 2 @ 1720hrs

gosh week seven already !? the time between last week and this week has been quite bizarre.. i've spent almost every day feeling like a dumb idiot for things i did last week, and thinking of all these amazing new ideas, and wanting to just slap myself for not thinking of them then. but that must be a learning thing here, to find yourself reflecting so intensely on what you've done and desiring so deeply to change it.. Never stops happening to you...

in addition, i found a monologue ! YAAAAAAAY *insert party celebration emoticons* i initially found a comical fantasy one that i wanted to try out, but i just wasn't feeling it. so i thought i'd read all the ones up on the wiki and do something new and terrifying, cause apparently i like to torture myself like that. in all of the magnificence, i found two that instantly clicked. the first, Alison in "Look Back in Anger". the second, Alma in "Summer and Smoke". having no idea about these two pieces, i read them a few times, got incredibly awesome ideas about how to do them, and then resorted to my brilliant indecisive self and wasn't able to choose between them. so i did what any good wannabe performer would do - asked my mum. ;) long story short, you will see me going against the grain and stepping into Alison's shoes in about two months time. eep, better get researching !

i was a bit worried about class this week (workshop that is, as we sadly didn't have a lecture due to the pub hol) because i thought we'd spend a bit of time on dialogues and half my group was going to be absent.. then i arrive to class (early) and hear from some of the previous class that we're not just spending a bit of time on dialogues, but we're spending THE. ENTIRE. TIME. on dialogues………….. %&*#$@
(please note, if all my group was there this would have been the best thing ever. but that wasn't going to be the case. so this was exceptionally horrible news and i wanted to run away and cry)

SO James and i were left to our own devices to try and figure what the heck we were going to do with this script (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, for those of you playing at home), by ourselves, with no inspiration, without Charlotte and Shannon..

CUE SILVER LINING ! it actually didn't take long for us to get the ball rolling. we looked at the first two lines of our script and had our first beat sorted. and then the awesomeness just kept flowing. it was amazing. all around us, the other groups were doing their things and it was just a beautiful moment in time. by the time Serge called us in to discuss it, we were ready to amaze. and he, as a dear Woolf fan, loved what we had come up with and that was just a compliment in itself.

and so my morning jitters where once again abolished. i'm so excited to workshop our ideas with the girls when we can all meet up, and i'm even more excited to witness the talented performances that will erupt from my classmates.

laters ! x

Cannot wait to get together with the girls and give it a go - this is gonna be AWESOME! James xx

tuesday april 9 @ 1635hrs

at a lack of inspiration on how to commence this entry, i have decided to resort to a simple but profound statement; today was awesome. (your life totally changed just now, didn't it ?)

class has definitely shifted into a new feel the past two weeks, change is coming and i'm not entirely sure how i feel about that. i miss hearing about theatre through the ages in the lectures and wish i could re-start the semester with the experience i have now (though i haven't yet done intro to drama so i suppose next semester will allow that !) and i'm at a deep loss that our group workshop exercises have stopped. nevertheless, i'm still loving it a great deal.

the lighting lecture yesterday was insane, i really enjoyed it. Tim has such a comical way of teaching that makes inane topics actually interesting to learn ! (okay, before i get downgraded for calling lighting "inane", what i mean is that hearing the topic "lighting" doesn't exactly make me wanna throw a party, so to me it's dull and boring ;p) i got a lot out of the lecture and i'm looking forward to part two next week. workshop today went really well with my dialogue crewwww. we met an hour before class to do our thing (we had also scheduled to block after lecture yesterday but one of us fell sick so we had to improv a little) as we're kinda behind the 8 ball and hadn't even run it through together yet because we're just awesome like that. so today was our chance to do that and it was fabulous. we went in with Serge (and Tim this time) aswell and that was really helpful to patch up what we had and make it better. super keen for next tuesday ! :D

and now i'm off to watch my respective movies; Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf for the main course, followed by Look Back In Anger (1989). but before i go, some good ol' relationship-related hatred, in the spirit of Virginia Woolf..

i highly suspect these two married each other anyways.. as you do

over and out ! x

Always an engaging read...and your reflections clearly indicate that you are finding the unit of value...well done.

tuesday, april 16 @ 1755hrs

doing my usual thing and stalking the "recent changes" page to see if anyone's posted about today and, to no surprise ;), i can't see any comments as yet.. but that works well for me cause it means i'm not copying all the entries to come about how good it was !

so basically, in short, this is how i felt watching today's dialogues:
(this will be worth your three and a half minutes, i promise)

just incredible, i don't know what else to say. it's really started to hit me how many talented people there are in my class and i feel both highly intimidated by them and privileged to be learning with them, and today's dialogues were a fine example of that.

mad respect for those who changed up their parts and/or tampered with gender (eg; Pheonix as a woman, Emily revamping a guy - to name the first two off my head) - Charlotte did it with our group (she played George) and i just think it's such an extraordinary trait of an actor to have such brilliant versatility and imagination, like so many displayed today.

an obligatory reflection on our performance of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf - there's not one thing i would change about our performance. of course you'll always nit-pick at small things but i think we nailed it. we had such few, scattered rehearsals that were time-strapped, and something would go wrong in each one we tried.. (for a newbie to performance this didn't really help the nerves !) but today we did everything that we had planned brilliantly. i was so stoked and i'm really going to miss it. i'm actually not too concerned on how we get graded, i know i probably should be, and i usually am, but i learnt so much from this dialogue experience and had so much fun with Charlotte, Shannon and James and that is more important to me this time than the grade. furthermore, we had such a fantastic mentor (for lack of better word) in Serge and his opinion was what mattered the most to me. what i am deeply interested in though is what our judges have to say about the performance and their feedback. i'm just one of those suckers for other people's opinions. it's a bad obsession i have..

part two of the lighting lecture has made me super keen to hit Nexus when we get back from break..

so, until then friends ! x

tuesday, may 7 @ 1600hrs

not gonna lie, i'm a tad sad that our tech lectures have stopped ! though i struggled to cram all of that information into my memory bank in such a short space of time, it was really just nice to learn about the technical side of things and how everything operates to make a funky show. i love that i can semi-understand and engage in tech talk now (instead of just standing there nodding my head like i have a clue what those freaks are talking about) and felt good walking out of the test. i will definitely be enjoying effects and the like more in shows from here on out :)

all that being said, i don't think tech is a main area of passion (now having experienced it), so i was quite chuffed today in workshop that we actually returned to the actor side of things and engaged in exercises ! its so funny for me, being so excited about it, because at the start of semester i dreaded all of these things. for example, we began with vocal warmups and every individual did the "ee, aa, ah, or, oh, oo" out aloud for Serge (and Tim) - at the start of semester i would not have been able to do that so confidently, The improvement was clearly evident... if even at all. so if ive gained nothing else from this unit, my self-confidence alone has grown immensely and that is enough in itself.

i don't really have anything profound to comment on today as i was a tad too exhausted to emotionally connect to it (and thought we were doing monologue stuff, so the exercises came as a wee shock), however i will still touch on the two main exercises we did.

firstly was a small group simultaneous reading of a 19th century piece. i was partnered with four other girls (every other group only had four in total, we had five) and we were given two readings to do out of the six. i loved this exercise. it showed me how numerous different-minded people can come together quickly and produce an item that is in-sync, like they are one (i know we weren't all in-sync all the time, but that's irrelevant for the context). how the individual groups bounced off each other in performance was incredible, it was like Serge had spent hours beforehand planning who would be in what group saying what reading- the interpretations of the text were wonderful and it was so awesome coming all together at the end to say the entire piece as a class. genius stuff.

we finished up with a physical movement exercise, and i valued Serge's motion to do this based on how stiff and formal most people were doing our dialogues. i felt so many different things during this that i won't go too into depth, but i found it interesting afterwards in our rectangle-table discussion that some people struggled to do the exercise on their own after Serge stopped telling us what was happening. i was the complete opposite- after a while (roughly mid-third, early fourth time through) i was getting annoyed at being told what was happening (not in a bad way, just in a "well i don't feel like that is happening right now so i don't feel right doing it right now, you irritating director person !" :p) so when we were released to do our movements on our own i felt such freedom in that. sure, i got stuck a couple times on what action to do next, but for me it was a nice experience to just go with the flow and do what felt right in that exact moment (as a thinker, analyser, planner, person in authority, etc- not something i'm used to being allowed to do !) and not actually care what anybody else thought of what i was doing.

all in all, a good day in class and im extremely terrified for monologue auditions next week. yay.
xoxo !

monday, may 27 @ 1300hrs

last entry. for ap1. ever. :'((((((((((((

before i sog up my laptop with all my tears, i might need to squeeze out a quick comment on monologues- which is what we worked on for these last two classes. after going in with Serge and Tim in week thirteen for a brief moment, and this being my first audition/monologue EVER (no, im not an audition pro like the rest of you talented lot :p), i knew i needed to schedule in a 30min block with Serge before week fourteen's performance, or it was just going to be a flop. BUT WHEN !?!?!? *cue busy hectic Children's Theatre/everything else life. LUCKILY i was able to snag him after my lit lecture/tutorial on monday morning and that was such a blessing. until in my last run he decided i needed to have a posh voice (Alison, though a passive character, coming from an upper class background and all). well that was just swell. asif i wasn't heart-wrenchingly nervous enough ! how i got through tuesday morning (or afternoon.. ?) is a mystery indeed.. i couldn't stop shaking. James was sitting beside me giving me the usual pre-ap1 performance pep talk that he's a master at now (thanks Jamison), but it wasn't helping ! i didn't get a chance to grab feedback from anyone afterwards as i was already late to meet a friend, so i'm really keen to hear an honest, critiquing perspective on how i did; however Serge commented out loud at the end that it was great and i think i know well enough by now that he wouldn't have done that if he wasn't happy with it ! so i think i did okay :) everyone was fantastic. though i must say i preferred the dialogues to the monologues, but still it was delightful to watch everyone do their solo's so differently and wonderfully.

now, onto the more serious, deep, end-of-semester meaningfuls.. (get your tissues ready ! .. not really. just being dramatic, apparently im good at that ;p)

i am stoked with what i have personally achieved and learnt in ap1 this semester, and how much i've grown. i can't believe it, looking back over my journal, how terrified of everything i was just fourteen weeks ago (fifteen now :p).. and now i'm backstage at CT's show - Zak Zebra's African Safari, this Saturday guys, shameless plug ;) - going "it's 9:36am and we were meant to start at 9:30am.. why haven't we started yet !?!?!?!". it's amazing and i love it. theatre and drama is my element, and i know i can only get better from here. i've had a blast this semester making friends with my class and i know they're friendships that will last a long time. if i could do anything again, it would be to re-start the semester, so i can do it all again.

This is a greta reflective journal...well done. I would have liked to have read more of material that was outside the confines of the unit...but nevertheless well done. Grade C+

love and all that mushy stuff ! break a leg guys ;)
cassee, with two e's.
:) x